You Know What Really Makes Me Mad?

You Know What Really Makes Me Mad?

You know what really makes me mad? Smart fridges. I’d never buy one—never will. But I see them everywhere now, lined up in stores like obedient little spies, waiting to betray whoever’s foolish enough to plug them in. They promise “convenience,” but what they really mean is subscription fees and firmware failures.

Used to be, you bought an appliance once. It hummed for twenty years, maybe more. You could defrost it with a screwdriver and a little patience. Now? You get some overpriced touchscreen with feelings. The ice maker quits if it loses Wi-Fi. The app won’t open unless you “accept the new terms of service.” Half the time, it won’t even cool unless it’s paired to the cloud.

You call the repair guy and he tells you the motherboard’s shot—motherboard!—like we’re talking about a spaceship, not a box that keeps cheese cold. And of course, the part’s “discontinued.” Planned obsolescence, they call it. Built to die young. Like everything else these days.

Meanwhile, my old dumb fridge from the ’80s just sits there in the kitchen, humming away. And it’s noisy as hell, but I digress.