NEW MEXICO

NEW MEXICO

A TOURIST FROM OHIO IS AT THE CENTER OF A DEVELOPING SITUATION IN SANTA FE THIS WEEK AFTER BECOMING, ACCORDING TO STAFF AT A LOCAL RESTAURANT, “COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY PARALYZED” WHEN ASKED WHETHER HE WANTED RED OR GREEN CHILE ON HIS ENCHILADAS.

THE MAN, IDENTIFIED ONLY AS TODD, ENTERED THE RESTAURANT AT APPROXIMATELY 12:15 PM ON SATURDAY. HE STILLHAS NOT YET ORDERED.

IT IS NOW TUESDAY.

TODD TOLD A REPORTER HE HAD DONE EXTENSIVE RESEARCH BEFORE HIS TRIP TO NEW MEXICO AND FELT FULLY PREPARED. HE HAD NOT, HE ADMITTED, RESEARCHED THE CHILE QUESTION. HE DESCRIBED THE MOMENT IT WAS ASKED AS, QUOTE, “LIKE BEING ASKED TO CHOOSE A FAVORITE CHILD, EXCEPT I DON’T HAVE CHILDREN, AND ALSO IT’S CHILE.”

RESTAURANT STAFF HAVE BEEN PATIENT. THE OWNER BROUGHT TODD A SMALL SAMPLE OF EACH ON DAY ONE. THIS MADE THINGS WORSE.

BY MONDAY, TODD HAD CONSTRUCTED A PROS AND CONS LIST, CONSULTED TWO LOCALS, CALLED HIS MOTHER IN COLUMBUS, AND READ THE ENTIRE WIKIPEDIA ENTRY ON HATCH CHILE TWICE.

A REGULAR AT THE COUNTER SUGGESTED HE ORDER CHRISTMAS — BOTH RED AND GREEN — WHICH TODD DESCRIBED AS, QUOTE, “A RELIEF SO PROFOUND I ACTUALLY TEARED UP A LITTLE.”

HE THEN ASKED IF THERE WAS A FOURTH OPTION.

THERE IS NOT, TODD.

NEW MEXICO’S OFFICIAL STATE QUESTION REMAINS “RED OR GREEN?” IT HAS NEVER TAKEN THIS LONG BEFORE.