Things That Make Doug Mad - April 2026 (title from file name)

“THINGS THAT MAKE DOUG MAD”

I’M LEAVING FOR MAUI ON MONDAY. TWO WEEKS. I’M TAKING A CHECKED BAG BECAUSE I’M GOING TO BE ON MAUI FOR TWO WEEKS AND I’M NOT AN ANIMAL WHO CAN SURVIVE ON A CARRY-ON AND OPTIMISM FOR FOURTEEN DAYS.

I ALSO PAID FOR A PREMIUM SEAT. I WANT TO BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT THAT MEANS. I PAID EXTRA. ABOVE THE BASE FARE. FOR A BETTER SEAT. BECAUSE I’M GOING TO BE SITTING IN IT FOR SIX HOURS. THIS SEEMED REASONABLE.

WHAT IS NOT REASONABLE IS THAT THE PREMIUM SEAT, FOR WHICH I PAID A PREMIUM PRICE, DOES NOT INCLUDE A CHECKED BAG. THE CHECKED BAG IS FORTY DOLLARS EACH WAY. EIGHTY DOLLARS TOTAL. FOR A BAG. THAT GOES ON THE SAME PLANE AS MY PREMIUM SEAT AND ME.

SO TO SUMMARIZE: I HAVE PAID FOR A TICKET, I HAVE PAID FOR A BETTER SEAT ON TOP OF THE TICKET, AND I AM NOW PAYING AGAIN FOR THE LUGGAGE REQUIRED TO SUPPORT THE TRIP THAT THE FIRST TWO PAYMENTS WERE SUPPOSEDLY COVERING.

AT SOME POINT THE AIRLINE IS GOING TO CHARGE ME FOR THE OXYGEN.

THE BAG WILL ARRIVE ON MAUI THIRTY MINUTES AFTER I DO, BEHIND A SURFBOARD AND SOMEONE’S EMOTIONAL SUPPORT COOLER. I WILL BE IN A PREMIUM SEAT WHEN I LAND, WHICH MEANS I WILL BE CLOSE TO THE FRONT OF THE PLANE AND WILL STILL SOMEHOW BE THE FOURTEENTH PERSON OFF.

I WANT IT ON THE RECORD THAT I AM ANNOYED.